Crimes Of The Future YIFY
David Carradine has done more than his fair share of stinkers throughout his career. This delightfully dreadful doozy rates highly as one of poor Dave's more entertainingly awful films. A seriously dumpy, weary, and out of shape Carradine stars as John Tucker, a rugged bounty hunter who pounds a gritty city beat in a bleak lawless near future that's right around the corner. Tucker has to protect perky TV news reporter Marion Sims (the cute Anna Rapagna) from the vile clutches of corrupt police chief Jason Adams (essayed with snarly hambone aplomb by William Zipp) and his brutish henchman Becker (leering veteran chromedome heavy Robert Tessier). Moreover, Tucker has to fend off his fellow bounty hunters after he's wrongfully accused of murder by Adams. Written and directed with staggering incompetence by David A. Prior, further undermined by dismal dialogue (sample line: "I want her dead in a box six feet underground"), poky pacing, clumsily staged action scenes, drab cinematography, a horrible head-bangin' rock soundtrack, several gnarly strip club sequences (WARNING: fleeting gratuitous nudity alert!), slack editing, and a woefully unconvincing depiction of the future (all the clothes, hairstyles, automobiles, and so on look like the present circa 1990), this hilariously horrendous honey makes for often unintentionally uproarious viewing. Gut-busting highlights include one of the single most lame car chases ever committed to celluloid, the ridiculously fake-looking exploding plastic helicopter, and the simply glorious moment when Tucker's nerdy crippled electronics whiz sidekick Billy (the insufferably geeky D.C. Douglas) gets blown away and falls out of his wheelchair dead. But the funniest moment period occurs when Tucker's funky metallic glove gets activated so it can fly throw the air, repeatedly punch Becker, and eventually strangle the mean no-good baddie (said glove also fires these cool blue lasers and can punch through cardboard doors). A deliciously cheesy hoot.
Crimes of the Future YIFY